MOTHER'S DAY 2020 PASTORAL REFLECTION

In early May 2007, I wrote a column about Mother’s Day to the congregation I was serving at the time. Over the years I have edited it as life has progressed, but the essence of it never changed.

Some may think that it would change a great deal because Erin and I now have children at home with which to celebrate this day. As much as we look forward to celebrating this day with Anna Catherine and Joseph, one of the reasons that I wrote this message to begin with is that what we see on this day is not always reality. In fact, May of 2016 did not mark Erin’s first Mother’s Day, even as it was her first Mother’s Day where she got get to hold, change, feed, and play with her child. Contrary to what you might think, those who have walked the infertility journey never quite leave it, even if at some point children do come into your home.

The children we had but never got to hold will always be in our hearts and minds, and Mother’s Day – along with Father’s Day – will always have a little bit of an indescribable twinge. It is in that spirit that I share with you this year's edition of my Mother’s Day column.

Grace and Peace, Lamar

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Back in the mid-2000s, while watching television with Erin, I saw the most ridiculous commercial, one that got us talking about worship for the upcoming Sunday - this was before Erin's health deteriorated to the point she could no longer in her eyes pastor a church. One of the seemingly endless jewelry store ads shown during this week every year, it reminded viewers that “You only have one day to celebrate mom – so make it special.” How absolutely contrary to not only good sense and manners, but also to the Christian faith that we profess to live under. This mindset, however, is one of the reasons why this Sunday, Mother’s Day, is one of the most dangerous for pastors and also one of the most misunderstood days in the life of the church.

I will never forget the first Mother’s Day that I had in my first post-seminary appointment. We were in the midst of the Easter season, and I preached from the lectionary texts for the day. It was about two o’clock that afternoon when my phone rang, and the matriarch of the congregation was on the phone asking me why I did not preach about mothers on Mother’s Day. Who did I think I was? After all, “People go to church on Mother’s Day with mom expecting a sermon on motherhood, moms, and how great it all is.” (The fact she wasn't even in worship that Sunday...well, that's another column.)

This matriarch's tone indicated that there was no way I could give an answer that would satisfy her, but she did get me thinking:

+ How should we communicate to people that the church is to be a place of worship – worship of God, not anyone else (even mom)?

+ How should we communicate that if you have to wait until Mother’s Day to let mom know how much she means to you then you most likely don’t have much of a relationship with mom to begin with?

+ How should we communicate that when the church makes a big deal about the oldest mother and the youngest mother that chances are very good that there are women sitting in the pews who are inwardly weeping (if they show up at all on this day) because they know that they will never be a mother, and never have a chance at the award for oldest, youngest, or most prolific mother?

+ How should we communicate Mother's Day is excruciating to the couple who has thrown years and thousands of dollars at fertility treatments and/or adoption processes only to come up short every time, and today marks yet another Mother's Day where there's no baby for those efforts?

+ How should we communicate about the agony that Mother's Day is to the mom who has to walk by that nursery that was so lovingly prepared for a child that never made it to that beautiful, sacred space where a child is supposed to experience safety, security, and love that only a momma can provide?

+ How should we communicate that while Mother’s Day is the day on which the most phone calls are made that there are women in our midst who will not get that phone call from a beloved child this year because they had to endure every mother’s nightmare of outliving their child? (No matter how old they or the child they lost may be, a mother's love for their child is one that transcends chronological advancement.)

+ How should we communicate that there are many mothers and children who have no relationship at all and all that this day does is bring pain and sorrow for pain that in some cases goes back decades?

+ How should we communicate Mother's Day is a day of deep sorrow to those for whom for whom Mother’s Day is hard because they will not be able to call mom this year since mom has passed away?

+ How do we communicate the mixed emotions that are Mother's Day for those, like Erin, who will call mom on Mother's Day this year, even it makes their heart ache because Alzheimer's has so ravaged this woman that poured out her life for her family that chances are good mom will not even remember the call shortly after it concludes?

+ In this year of a global pandemic, how do we communicate the unimagined strain of those who spend time this day with mom standing outside her window, speaking to her via cell phone or portable whiteboard because you aren't allowed inside the facility where she lives?

The answer? Simple. It is our stock in trade. This Sunday, as is the case every Sunday, we will gather to worship God. Even as we gather remotely, we gather to give thanks for everything that God has done, is doing, and will do. Even as we gather remotely, we gather to be people who embrace one another during the highs and lows of life, being careful to give thanks to God for the joy of Mother's Day to those for whom the day is one of celebration while also being careful to make room for the pain and sorrow so many may feel for whatever reason.

Let us remember that Sunday, like every day, is not about anyone or anything - even moms or the gift of motherhood - but the triune God.

Planning to make a big deal about mom on Mother’s Day? Why wait? Call mom now. Write to mom now. Send flowers now. Don’t wait to be prompted by Madison Avenue.

Planning to hide from the world on Mother’s Day because of the pain of the day? Know that I am in prayer for you now. Should you ever need or want to visit, please let me know. Erin and I believe passionately in sharing our journey because our hope and prayer is those for whom this day is hard to know they have a pastoral family who knows the pain.

No matter your circumstance with respect to Mother's Day, please join us for worship this Sunday as we explore again the God who not only provides the great things in life but also is big enough to get us through the most difficult times in life. For those who are able to look at this as a day of celebration, come celebrating. For those who would just as soon pull the covers over their head and wake up Monday morning because this day has more baggage than a fully-loaded cruise ship, come join us, knowing you are loved and treasured in the midst of your sorrow and pain, and knowing your pastor is here with you every step of the way.